So I wept…

So I wept..

I wept for the little girl in me who was afraid to let go. I wept for the parts of me that were complacent and afraid of what would happen next.

I wept in pity for the time I felt like I had wasted. I wept for the two innocent faces I had to place smiles on when my heart was shattered.

I wept for the mature portions of me who knew I had a decision to make if I was tired of weeping. I wept for my past and the future I thought I had ruined.

I wept for the time that I felt like I had lost. I wept for bond I had to sever. I wept for my fear of loneliness and the feeling of being left behind to mourn.

I wept for the weight I gained and lost several times. I wept for the times I dreaded being identified by the failure of love when in the presence of my family.

I wept in anger at myself for all of the times I convinced myself it was enough.

I wept for the funds I gave up. I wept for my self-worth that I lost. I wept for the times I looked in the mirror and saw someone I didn’t recognize.

I wept until the pain washed all over me and the memories sank deep into my heart. I wept for the times I cried myself to sleep in the dark.

I wept for the moments I thought I would never smile again. I wept for the weakness I felt…

Until one day, I smiled. I smiled for the opportunity to look ahead. I smiled for the relief of pain.

I smiled for the chance to understand my worth and never shrink again to make small people feel big.

I smiled for the woman I was becoming. I smiled because what I thought I could never let go of, I finally had the strength to. I smiled because I finally looked in the mirror and spoke life to someone who was once dead.

I smiled because God whispered to me “you are mine” and I knew He had never left me all along. I smiled because I finally snapped out of it. I smiled because I wept.

I wept because I finally was able to smile again after I forgot what that felt like. I smiled because I get to stand on everything I decided without having to compromise.

I smiled because I realized I could make new memories. I smiled because I get to enjoy the two faces sitting in front of me that I took for granted.

I smiled because I realized I was given a second chance to breathe fresh air again and I didn’t have to be held captive in the prison of misery.

I finally smiled because I understood that it was better to be alone than running in circles with no peace involved.

I smiled because I didn’t have to settle for less than my equal anymore. I smiled because I no longer had anything to prove to anyone. I smiled because I saw the light!

I smiled because I finally put myself first. I smiled because finally I didn’t have to weep any more.